A Mind Lost
by psalmofdarkness
Summary: Many enemies have fallen at the feet of Alucard, but now he faces a very new, powerful enemy; his own thoughts and emotions. Is he now at his breaking point? Only one can pull him from it..R&R!
1. Just the begining

A hand twirled a delicate wine glass, gloved fingers moving over the smooth surface, the bottom being set on a small beaten wood table, thick crimson soon sloshing downward, waves colliding against the clear barrier, the level rising until just below to rim. The liquid soon calmed to be deathly still, the gloved hand cupping it, the thin shaft being slide between two fingers as it was lifted, the dim light illuminating the shine off the surface of the red as equally red eyes stared down in to it. The eyes silently watched as the liquid began to move, swirling about in the glass, caused by the light movements of the hand that held to it. It was almost hypnotic to watch such a beautiful substance dance quietly in an endless circle. The glass was raised, then pale lips catching the side, the liquid being poured back, a small swallow before moving the glass back down. The glass was temporally stained with the thin film that showed the trail of which it flowed, and after a few quick moments, everything was still again.

"It has been a while." The voice, deep, dark, yet with a hint of something, longing almost. "Since I have enjoyed blood such as this."

The empty room gave its silent agree, the candle, placed just to the side on the table was the only light source, its flame standing still with the absence of any wind or draft. Red eyes moved to stare at the black wall, just outside of the halo of light the candle produced.

"Its quiet tonight." Another useless comment to the nothingness around him. Odd how he felt it comforting. The glass was raised again to those dead lips, and another swallow, the thick fluid running through the teeth, sliding effortlessly down the throat.

The glass was softly placed on the small side table, long legs, clad in black, crossed, gloved hands lowering to rest on top of one another on the raised knee. Eyes looked now to the ceiling, cast in the shadows as well.

"Its been some time..Perhaps I am getting too old."

The eyes soon closed after the comment, it had been some time since he was last needed, leaving him in such a horrid place.

"Imagine, such a creature as me confined to this." The words slowly spoken, melted in to the air, leaving nothing in return. Inside the blackness of his closed eyes, images started to form. Old memories of times long past, such images haunted him to no end.

Eyes opened, the red irises looking dull, void of life.

"Why must such tempting images flow so freely." A gloved hand moved upward to the pale face, the silken- covered palm coming to brush against the cold cheek, fingers curling over the face, his body slumping slightly forward.

"Of what I once was, and what am now" He muttered, the hand moving back through his long ebony hair, strands falling forward to lay in front of his eyes.

"Such a thing happening to me." His voice began to raise lightly, having a growling undertone.

"No such thing should happen to the likes of me!" The yell even mildly surprised him, the voice being bounced back by the wall, his eyes wider now as he stared forward. Nothing he did surprised him, yet he did not expect to explode with such emotion.

"Perhaps I am going mad." The statement was hollow-filled, void of any emotion, more of a realization then anything else. The large frame of his body heaved upward in a large sigh before sinking back down, his muscles slowly relaxing from their tensed state.

His head lowered, eyes staring blankly to the floor. The room utterly quiet, not a sound was heard, except for the light intake and exhale of breath. His head started to hurt, and from the hurt to a dull throb. His ears strained to hear any noise, to hear a heartbeat, to hear _his_ heartbeat. And as any other night, nothing was heard.

"No, I am not mad. I am perfectly sane." He stood straight, ashamed of himself for breaking down like that. "I am just over thinking." He reasoned with himself, his hand quickly clutching the wine glass, gulping down a larger mouth full.

His crimson eyes closed slowly, the long arm falling limply to his side, fingers still lightly holding to the glass, the last bit of blood slowly trailing its way down the smooth glass to drip on to the stone floor. His undead mind was reeling, so many things he had yet to grasp a knowledge of. So many things he still did not understand. He hated not knowing something. The train of thought was suddenly derailed as he heard movement upstairs. Silent to anyone else, his heighten vampiric senses could hear soft footsteps. The only tie he had to sanity. He rose from his seat, putting the glass down on the small table, eyes opening once more.

"Perhaps I shall check up on her." He smirked softly, striding from his underground room to the cobblestone hallway, where his body soon rose, materializing through the ceiling, rising upward until the soft plush carpet was pinned beneath his heavy boots. His eyes quickly scanned the room, It being lit by a table lamp, light wisps of smoke twirling through the air. His chest rose as he took a breath, smelling the sweet lavender scent.

"Incense?" His eyebrow rose, this wasn't like her at all.

The door across the room opened, the figure striding in, eyes narrowing at the sight of the vampire. "What are you doing in this room?" Her voice was stern, blonde hair cascading down over her shoulders, looking frizzed from an all too long day at her desk. As tired as she may have been, her eyes still looked strong, at least on the outside.

"Forgive me, Master." His smirk grew. "I got lost, and ended up in here."

The blonde glared, a finger pointing to the door. "Get out. I will not permit you coming in to my personal quarters, and you know that."

He watched her a moment, her arm wavering lightly. Her tiredness was starting to peek through the wall she had mentally put around it. He nodded lightly, his tall form, at least a head taller then her, moved forward, turning sideways to slide past her, a silken glove lightly brushing against her side as he did. She shivered lightly from the touch, her arm dropping. "Please, I'd rather you not touch me."

"Then call it an accident, my master." He spoke with his back to her, just outside of the doorway, a light gust of wind came through as the door was promptly shut behind him. "Goodnight Integral." Once again, he was alone with his thoughts, something he use to treasure was now becoming a burden. He glanced down either side of the long hallway before leaning against the wall next to the door. His arms crossed over his broad chest as he silently stared down at the floor. It had been many years since he had been freed from his cell, yet he was not completely free. At the very thought of such, the ancient scribes on the back of his gloves started to burn.

"Aye, never going to give up." He spoke softly to himself, answering his jumbled thoughts. He stood straight, walking down the hallway back to his "cage" of a room, being rejected so quickly from his master was a daily thing, hardly phased him at all, after all, there would always be tomorrow to pinch at her patience as she worked. He just chuckled lightly, ending it with a sigh.

"Always tomorrow." He seated himself back in his wooden chair, leaning back in it, head hanging limp over the head rest, eyes closing.

His eyes blinked a few times, focusing on the dark stone ceiling that hung above him. He slowly moved to sit upright, his head hanging with slumped shoulders, his joints, stiff from the awkward position, crackled and snapped as he did so. It had been minutes, or hours, since he last opened his eyes. He wasn't sure of how much time had passed.

"Must be close to morning." He spoke lightly, feeling the heaviness of the day light hours wash over him. He soon stood, arms moving behind his head as he twisted, more crackling pops before he looked to his half-way open door. Walking through the silence, he pulled the door open wider and stepped out, sinking in to the un-protected walls of the hallway, his body moving back up, reaching the office. He same up silently through a shadow-ridden corner, his body a mesh of the textures surrounding him. There she sat, like always, hunched over her desk, endlessly working at a paper or report of some sort, none of it mattered to him, seemed a waste of time to do more work after the fact they were dead. Yet she persevered through it all. A smirk crept its way across his unseen features.


	2. Nothing out of the ordinary

Tired eyes stared downward over the seemingly endless wave of papers that had been splayed out across the heavy polished oak desk. The two orbs scanned through the papers, finding new reports, experiments, declarations, all of the above. A light sigh escaped out in to the air, a hand moving to pile all of the papers in a neat stack to the side. The room, once completely illuminated by a set of candles, was at a low dim, having only one of the six candles had survived the night. She turned from the desk, her body pressed heavily back against the plush leather chair. By the amount of weariness she held within her, she could assume it was morning, and was rewarded with an obscenely bright sun as she parted the drapes to reveal the outside world.

"Bloody hell." She muttered, seeking out one of her slim flavored cigars, pressing it between her lips.

Her eyes again scanning the desk, this time, for her lighter. She felt a singe of pain from behind her eyes as she realized it wasn't where she had put it.

"They are bad for your health, master."

Her body tightened lightly at the sound of the deep voice, not from surprise, but a sudden up rise in her anger.

"Do not toy with me. I am getting tired of your games, Alucard."

She again turned to the shadowed corner, knowing he was there, even if she couldn't see him.

His tall frame slowly pulled from the darkness, his wide grin planted firmly on his lips, his teeth gleaming. "I am merely looking over your well being."

"I do not need it." She shot back. "What I do need, is my lighter." The cigar began to quiver in her lips grasp.

"As you wish, then." His gloved hand dug down in to the pocket at the side of his trench coat, pulling out the large brass lighter, the Hellsing crest etched in to the side.

She watched him, holding her own hand out for it. "For once the servant listens."

He placed the lighter in her hand, turning on his heel to face back towards the corner he had appeared from, his long arms coming behind him, hands locking behind his lower back.

She watched him, shaking her head, a thin finger moving over the striker, only to receive a couple sparks in return. Blue eyes narrowed as she looked at the lighter, again, pressing against the striker, and again, nothing but a light orange stray spark.

"Alucard." now her voice trembled lightly, her headache increasing by the minute.

"Yes, Master?" with his back to her, his widening smirk would be safely hidden.

"Get out."

He laughed, his body silently sliding back within the wall, the lighter following suit quickly behind him, unfortunately, it merely hit the wall instead of following the target.

Integral slumped back down to her chair, taking the unlit cigar from her lips and tossing it on to the desk, her head pounding as her rubbed her temples, trying to subdue the pain. She could still hear his mocking laugh ring out in echoes in her brain.

"bloody vampire." she sank farther down, her eyes closing, her tired state taking its toll, her rough breathes becoming calm once more as she slipped in to a deep slumber at her desk.

Alucard walked the halls of the mansion, his circular glasses gleaming brightly as he passed each hall light. The smirk still present on his face, he idly moved a finger to run along the wooden panels beneath the silken wallpaper. This was a daily thing as well, master would be up all night, and in the morning would only need one more small push for her to fall over the cliff of exhaustion. It was the least he could do for her, after all. The thick soles of his boots made a soft thud against the carpet, the only sound present at the moment. He stopped at the staircase, turning to walk down the steps, his vampiric ears catching the faint sound of gunfire.

"Soldiers must be up for training." He spoke quietly, considering is he would go and scare some of the rookies, but ultimately decided against it. He didn't was to put his Master in cardiac arrest, after all.

"You are up early, Sir Alucard."

Alucard made a short chuckle, his eyes turning to see the aged Walter, his hands in front of him, one holding a cloth, the other his monocle.

"Yes, I checked up on Master."

A sigh came from Walter, knowing all to well what that meant.

"I shall prepare her some hot tea in a bit, then." His monocle was put back over his eye. "Is there anything you want, Alucard?"

"No, I'm going to retire back to my room shortly, don't care for the hours of the day."

Walter gave a nod before turning to walk across the large entrance room of the mansion to go within the equally large kitchen.

Alucard watched Walter as he left, before continuing back down towards his room, his pace slowing slightly, his eyes widening as he stared blankly at the wall in front of him. He felt something, something impending against him. His body tensed, as his eyes darted about his surroundings, it wasn't another creature as far as he could tell. This worried him. Another fit of the sensation ran through him. His eyes narrowing, a hand coming to his forehead. After a few moment, the waves diminished, letting him sway lightly, his shoulder pressing to the wall.

"This is new." He huffed, standing straight, giving a quick glance around him, making sure no one had seen him go under like that.

"I need to find the source of that." He mumbled to himself as he walked downward through the door and down the long stairway that ended at the basement, where he gladly took his place within his large coffin-like bed, his hand catching the rim of his glasses, removing them, letting them drop to the small table which stood beside the bed. He didn't bother with his trench coat, leaving it around him, his mind fuzzy in heavy thought. His hand gripped the small remote, pressing one of the two buttons placed on it, the large lid slowly coming downwards over him. His eyes glared blankly upward as the lid came to close the coffin shut.

"This will be fun" A sudden flare of redness filled the black interior of the newly made coffin, the blaze lowering and soon disappearing as his eyes were shut.


End file.
